A Mother Cannot Be A Father!
I know it's been some time since I've shared anything, but this is clearly the right time for not only my opinion, but also for a few statements of fact. I shared the following post on Facebook yesterday...
"Father's Day is an opportunity to nationally recognize the love, support and presence of a father. It is NOT an opportunity for disgruntled, neglected, rejected, or abused mothers to comment on how they played the role of both a mother and father. Plain and simple, a mother cannot be a father- while males and females can both care for a child- the uniqueness of your gender makes you one or the other. If you are a woman who raised a child without a male counterpart, you were only a mother...period. A father is simply a man who brings himself into a child's life, who imparts his love, wisdom and concern, just like a mother (but who also looks different, smells different, knows different things and communicates differently). Happy Father's Day gentlemen!"
It's truly time out for women for keep calling themselves both their child's “mother and father”. As a child raised by a single mother, I completely understand where the comments come from. However, it's time for us to recognize that there are things that we can change, and things that we can no longer accept. If you are a woman that took the time to select a man that you knew/thought would be a great father to your child, please share this info with the rest of us! What we think and what actually happens are usually two separate things! So if you have a father who is not participating in your child's life, I understand. And yes, I believe that a woman can raise a boy into man- it happens all of the time- but what kind of man are you raising? The same is to be said for men that raise daughters to be women- what kind of woman are you raising?
When the presence of a strong member of the opposite sex isn't there in the formative years of a child's upbringing, it doesn't allow the child to socialize well with others of the opposite sex. There tends to be misconceptions, over exaggerated communications/expressions and often subtle disdain for the opposite sex. These feelings often turn to maladaptive behaviors in young adulthood and result in cyclical poor relationships for the next generation (repeating the cycle of single parenthood). This is usually the beginning of the “I don’t need no man” and “I can do this without her” comments. Not seeing how a man cares for and respects a woman- not because he’s supposed to, but because he loves her and all that she stands for – is what a woman cannot teach a boy, a man has to show him. A man cannot teach a girl how to be a woman, full of the beauty and grace that she naturally embodies, by telling her so—it takes a woman to do that by showing her.
If you are a single parent raising your child alone, please try to connect with others of the opposite sex who can provide support, attention and quality time for your child. Perhaps a coach, teacher, minister or family member can provide such. A loving uncle, a teacher who stays after school, or a coach that understands the need to be involved-- could provide additional parental support. There are plenty of good-hearted people that provide support to single parents every day. Take a minute to thank them and appreciate the time that they invested into your child. HAS